Day 1: My New Home 

I am a carefully selected piece of food being transported to my new home. Right now, I am in a truck that has a big freezer that keeps me frozen. This machine just keeps pumping cold air into my room, where I rest and wait until I arrive. Just as I am reflecting on how cold I am, the truck is stopping and backing up into a loading dock. I’m peeking through my box to see where I’m going.

Yay! I’m going to be raw pet food – not just any raw pet food either – Iron Will Raw Pet Food. This is exciting! I can hear the truck’s beeping sounds as it slowly gets closer to the dock, and after a gentle bump we’ve stopped. My truck driver gives another man some pieces of paper and after they talk the new man opens the door and comes into this cold trailer. I can overhear him saying he’s taking the temperature of the truck with the laser gun in his hands. Once he confirms that everything is okay, he enters the trailer with a machine that raises me up from a skid and takes me to my new home.

It isn’t long before my box is opened by a person named Mr. Receiver. He’s checking me out to see if I look good. He also points the laser gun at me this time and determines that not only do I look awesome, I’m chilly and frozen enough to be awesome. He writes all my stats on a page: where I’m from, when I was originally frozen and how much my family and I weigh. He checks his papers and then puts his signature on them before handing them off to my old pal the Driver. The Driver leaves and now I’m here and ready.

Mr. Receiver brings me down the hallway. He’s happy. I can hear him whistling, as he shows me around my brand-new home. I pass a sign that says HACCP, and another sign that says wash your hands. Everyone is wearing white coats, white helmets, gloves, face masks and hairnets. I can tell these people are very serious about their jobs and I’m happy to join this team.

I’ve arrived now in my new room. It’s super cold; like freezing cold. It’s going to keep me at the best temperature until they need me. After I get set down it feels like I’m on a roller coaster. A machine picks us up all at once, turns us around and slides us into our spots. This is great! I’m here and I’m ready to be as amazing as Mr. Receiver thinks I am. The lights go off. It’s bedtime.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Day 2: The Freezer and Friends
It’s very, very cold! Mr. Receiver was wearing, like, five layers of clothing! I don’t need protection from the elements because I’m supposed to be frozen. My friends here all feel the same way. We are all here for the same reason and we are super excited to become raw pet food. When the door shuts and the lights go off, all we can hear is the hum of the freezer fans that keep us chilly. I overheard someone ask how cold it is here and the person replied, “Somewhere around minus 18.”

When the fans hummed, I started singing a little song to keep me occupied. I sang:
Life is awesome /
It is a breeze /
I don’t mind when I have to freeze! /
My friends and I /
Are in a good mood /
We’re all going to make the best raw pet food!

These songs went on for a while before the lights came on. We all went back to our boxes. Before I knew it, I was picked to come out of my spot in the freezer and placed on a nice blue skid. My friends and I all got separated and counted. My stats got read: where I came from, how much I weigh, and when I was born. After that we were placed in a cooler room. It wasn’t warm, but it wasn't in the freezer. Very slowly I started to warm up and during that time someone else came and took my temperature. They made sure I wasn’t getting too warm too fast. They made sure I still looked awesome (and I do!). These are the same people dressed in all white. Here, I’m going to rest for a couple of days and then after that I get one more step closer to becoming the best raw pet food ever.

I heard a rumour that we will be going on an amusement park ride. Yaaaaaaaay!

3 days later...

Day 5: The Amusement Park
I don’t even need a ticket for this ride. I get in for FREE! VIP treatment!

Once my temperature was raised enough to be given the green light – or in this case a thumbs up – from my new friend “Lab Coat Hair Net” (we all just call him Larry). We are ready to be loaded into the ride.

Over the past few days, Old Larry made sure that I was ready to be used. My temperature wasn’t going up too fast, and I certainly wasn’t too frozen. He pointed a laser at me and nodded. In the words of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, I was “just right”. Perfect, I’m ready! Larry and his friend, who also wears a lab coat and a white helmet, get me ready. I get taken out of my box.

I get loaded into the rollercoaster, which everyone calls the bin, and I finally meet all my freezer friends face-to-face. Meat to meat. Liver and spleen are there, and cranky old Kale. Kale brought his buddies parsley and spinach. Spinach is kind of sassy because everyone seems to suddenly love him and all the dips he makes. We briefly discuss how cranky Kale is, and how lovely Liver looks. We’re moving now. We roll along the floor before we get hitched into the ride and straight up we go!

Larry and his friend hit a button that makes us rise up in the air. We go up slowly and I can see everything from up there! I can see the doors and all the hand-washing stations. I certainly can’t see my house from here, but I can see signs for an eyewash station, and I can even see all the hoses they use to clean this beautiful place daily! In that small moment, I got a glimpse of the room they work in before…

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We’re all going down the ride together! Down into a corkscrew! Weeeeeeeee! We’re going up, then down, then we do a loop-de-loop, then we shoot out the bottom and take a breath. Wow, that was fun! We’re back in a bin! All my friends and I are together (Kale doesn’t seem so cranky now that he’s joined us). Our bin is being rushed to another ride. Once again, up we go to the top and we drop into another ride. This time we swirl down around and around. We fly through the chute, up the pipe, down the slide and out through the nozzle. I’m in my pocket sitting on another machine that smoothly takes me down a path. I’m cold, then I’m briefly warm, then after I get sealed I’m cool again. I get put into a box with five others.

I’ve done it, I’m complete! I’m the best raw pet food ever! I can’t wait until I find a new home. For now, back into the freezer.